Mailbag

[Another unfortunate case of mistaken identity.]

From: Lola
To: date
Subject: Loser...Abuser....Mind Game Player

Dear Jesus, You told me that you loved since age 5. You promised me a house in Waialae Iki, a brand new Grayish Silver Toyota Celica and $4000 to $5000 in cash. What's up...you didn't deliver any of those things. You also told me I was healed. Why is it that I still hear you in an audible voice? You liar! You don't love me. You hate me, you jerk! You are an all time loser. Good luck to the next sucker who believes everything you say. If and when you come to Hawaii, I'll see you in court, better yet, Kaiser Emergency Room (best place to play a game). I know I'll grant you brake failure and mental illness. You will be transported by ambulance (New York Style). Don't any car move out of the way. But, don't kill him. Give him shooting pain. He loves it. He brags that he can do anything to others. So if he really loves me, and he is the male, take the pain. Will I hear a scream or a smile? Do you have wooden teeth like Abraham Lincoln? You are older than he is. I am not joking, just inquisitive. Do I sound sarcastic? I'm just fascinated at what people buy into. I spoke so highly of you and I didn't know shit about religion. I have bad thoughts but it just comes. So, how does it stop? Do you enjoy flying your own bad thoughts? Would you like to be put on permanent disability? I never did see you heal a paralyzed vet or someone who loss a limb. I'll give you ALS, your favorite disease. I'll be honored to deliver high dosages of morphine that doesn't even work at all. Isn't that great news? What, I can hear you say, "you can't stand me". Now, did you do this to me and not make my medication work? Are you proud of your accomplishments or are you slacking on the job? I know you have an eternity to cause trouble. That is so dangerous. Please turn it off. Thank you. Do something right for the first time. Before, you give a disease make sure you can handle it if you are the sole person who received it. Are you macho enough? Are you really a woman? Why do you wear dresses? Do you change youth? Do you ever relax on your bed? Where is the real you? Can't you interact with people in heaven? You killed my parents over this disease? You stupid idiot. Bring them back and lose your annointing. You made a mistake. Bring everybody from heaven back to life. I hope there is such a thing as reincarnation. I love New Age churches. I just like to go to church and get a reading. No, on second thought I just like reading my numerology. I'm very fascinated by numerology and the meaning of a person's name. When you are ready, come to Earth and give a speech. Maybe, my phone will be ringing with callers apologizing for not believing. Pharmaceutical companies just love you! What is the cure for Cancer and AIDS? Do you want Cancer with mental illness? I'll give you at least one mental and one physical illness. When is the world going to end? Don't you think it will be boring when the world ends? I bet there is diseases in heaven. How do you stop fights in heaven or disagreements? Please reply by E-mail and not by personally visiting me.

Amen. Awomen. Asso.

Lola

[Persuasion is always most effective when presented with a threat of punishment.]

From: The Governor <mkdkkd@yahoo.co.in>
Subject: Start the preparations today...
To: complaints

In the name of Allah, the benefcient the Merciful,

whom so ever you might be,

this is a warning to you. immediately stop this evil deeds, and submit yourself to the lord, the lord, the creator "Allah", the creator who created you, who created you out of clot of blood. So read in the name of your lord, read, your lord is most bountiful, the lord who taught you with a pen, he taught which you knew not. nay, but you transgress all bounds...verily to the lord you have to return, so bow with adoration and come close to Allah.

Verily Allah, is oft-forgiver...

[Will this god visit before or after Santa Claus?]

From: HoneyBee20011@aol.com
To: shower_ad

You people are blaspheme you out to be off the internet and I will see to it that you are out of here. stop spreading the bull to peoplee you aint Jesus andyou ar4e fony get off the internet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! INTHE NAME OF JESUS I COMMAND BEGONE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !YOU WILL PAY, GOD IS WATCHING AND WILL VISIT YOU IN HIS WRATH.

[This skeptical atheism ignores abundant information proving that it is very possible to bathe with Jesus.]

From: "Eric G" <metalhead@cfl.rr.com>
To: shower
Subject: hi

no one can bathe with jesus because he is not real

[Now for a linguistic reality check. In a single run on sentence, this chap talks about the imaginary world ("holy", "lord", "hell", and "devils") while at the same time thinking that the categorization of a human as an animal is an insult.]

From: "Emad Ayad" <emadmakkar@yahoo.com>
To: themeekwillinheritnothing
Subject: you are devil

YOU ARE A LOOSER MAN AND YOU ARE A HERTIC AND ANATHEMATIZED FROM THE HOLY CHURCH AND I AM SURE THAT OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST WILL PUNISH YOU IN THE HELL WITH THE DEVILES AND BAD PEOPLE , YOU WILL GO TO HELL , DON'T THINK THAT YOU ARE A HERO YOU ARE SUCH AN ANIAML ...

[Arrogant lectures from the emotionally unstable are an ineffective way to convert people to insane religions.]

From: ITaLyPrInCeZz889@aol.com
Subject: Please take time to read this.
To: complaints

You are a freak! I will make sure that even if it injures me, I will see the day that you repent. OH YOU WILL! Read this! Read it. Do not delete because I will just send you more mail until you repent and know that JESUS IS LORD GOD HEAVENLY FATHER! O.k. maybe you will never come to your senses and not to know Jesus but at least have some respect. Take it offline. I will make sure you do. I know someone who is watching you RIGHT NOW AND ALWAYS. He is always there whether you like it or not, always. He sees EVERYTHING! You sure wouldn't want to make him upset during Judgement Day! You will get on your hands and knees ONE DAY: sadly, maybe not even in this lifetime, but everyone does. Oh yes everyone repents. I guarantee it. OH YES! Go ahead send ME hatemail. Jesus will see, Jesus will know, am I scaring you? GOOD! There is still time, Jesus is still there if you wish to follow him, he forgives and forgets just like me. If you are truly considering turning your life over to him, having the time of your life every moment, and living in joy, repent and be free and go in peace. Be right with God. Today is the day! God Bless you! You are in my prayers.

[This kind of thinking reveals how the entertainment industry has found great success by following the lead of Judeo-Christianity and giving people the safe, comfortable, easy lie they want.]

From: Jude Stepaniak <stepanja@email.uc.edu>
To: themeekwillinheritnothing
Subject: He loves us!

Even if that giant invisible monkey in the sky is not real, it sure does make life easier believing that someone higher than us still loves us no matter what silly things we do!!

[The sentence before last is the keeper here. Remember that I am always available to accept blame so that others can feel better. Discharge your frustrations unto me so that your burden may be lightened.]

From: SHERRYINWV@webtv.net (SHERRY ADKINS)
To: complaints@jesus.com
Subject: NOTE

YOU ARE ONE SICK SON-OF-A-BITCH!!
IF ANYONE ON THIS EARTH GOES TO HELL YOU WILL BE THE FIRST ONE!
I WOULD HATE TO THINK THAT I COULD EVER BE AS LOW AND DUMB AS YOU. HEY BUDDY, YOU BETTER GET A LIFE AND GET RIGHT WITH THE RIGHT JESUS CHRIST!
I AM 39 AND I HAVE NEVER SEEN SUCH A SICK ASSHOLE LIKE YOU!!
YOU ARE HALF THE REASON THAT HALF OF THE WORLD ARE GOING TO HELL!
SO GROW UP!

[I am left without a response to these penetrating arguments.]

From: "sgartin79" <sgartin79@netzero.net>
To: personal_ad
Subject: you are a fake you are not Jesus you will go to hell because there is only one Jesus and you are not it

listen hear you stupid person you are not Jesus and you will never be him because what you are doing is awful and you will pay for it because God will send you to hell because you are saying that you are Jesus that you are not 1 he will never date or bathe with no one you dummy and 2 he is not some kind of dating service he is the son of God so get it stright you web site is give us good Christian a bad name i hope God gives you all of his wrath you dumd person

[This shows massive general confusion and complete misunderstanding of life. First a false attribution of life to a deity (intending to attach obligation), then a sober discussion about demons, concluding with mindless regurgitation of a holy lie intended to lure with reward.]

From: "Love Tillman" <futurebillionare@hotmail.com>
To: themeekwillinheritnothing
Subject: repentance

Many times we go through life thinking we have the right to do and say anything we want. The trip thing about it is It was God Almighty himself who gave us that right. To perpetrate to be God is nothing short of insanity because the demons that attach themselves to you when you do this want nothing less than your soul. When you finally get to the point where you are tired of them torturing you (And believe me they will torture you, they are just using you right now to set up other people to be tortured.) call on the real Jesus Christ. For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotton son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life John 3:16!

[Fairy tales are not real, even if written down.]

From: Slickergirl22@aol.com
To: complaints

im not sure what kind of site this is, but the real Jesus died for my sins on the cross, and if you want proof of that go buy you a bible and read it, it will tell you how to get to heaven instead of hell.

[Judeo-Christian love means that the whole world can share the thoughtful justice of Middle Eastern society.]

From: schofield michael <cornedbeefinspector@yahoo.co.uk>
Subject: SICKO ANTICHRIST WIERDO!
To: complaints

oy sicko if i ever see you in the street then im going to smash your face in with bricks and hammers i wish death upon you and hope that you rot in hell