It is healthy to crave the sweet taste of love, no matter how sour and
bitter it can become when the fragile circumstances that sustain it
collapse. Although the feeling can be seemingly ephemeral, even invisible
or illusory, the most passionate souls embark on ambitious quests seeking
love because they savor what they know has given their lives the greatest
meaning and inspiration. Though there is often much pain, sadness, and
disappointment along the way, that is no argument against it; rather it
is proof of how rare and precious true love really is and how much will
be endured in order to hold it close again.
February 6, 2002
What is essential: a passion for seeing the one you love, to never become
lackadaisical or take them for granted, to remember how lucky one is to have
found them, and to not only delight in the present but to fondly look forward.
Anticipation is heightened by having hope and desire fuel a tension that
ultimately finds its pleasurable release. Reward without anticipation is
unsatisfying, but prolonged, mutual anticipation that eases continually
closer to its goal creates a hunger that makes the subsequent meal delicious.
It is even possible to anticipate meeting someone for several years, in
which case, you are ensured that upon meeting them their spirit will
forever more be with you in some way.
Though an object at rest tends to remain at rest, thus conserving energy,
neither does anything interesting happen in exchange for its clever effort
at maintaining safety. In love, as in life, those who do not attempt and
fail will also not attempt and occasionally succeed.
To cheat oneself out of love is the most terrible deception; it is an
eternal loss for which there is no reparation, either in time or in
The idea of retracting love and merely maintaining a warm friendship
is an idealism that has no basis in reality. The best moments of
passion, hope, and intimacy will always remain as memories whose
lingering loss will only be frustrating and saddening. Though
distance and time can heal the wounds, so too do they obstruct all
that was originally attracting, thus obviating any second chances.
To share reality, and thus know life and thereby love, there must be a
certain bravery and directness in communication. It is important for
people to share what they are truly thinking instead of taking on the
role expected of them and saying what is predictable and easy.
Perhaps you have dreams for which you await the perfect love, but better
still is to discover the perfect love that inspires the most amazing dreams.
Suddenly everything is possible and all difficulty is trivially overcome.
What mortals suffer is no longer of any consequence because you share and
live the dreams of the gods.
Any perfect love is the restoring of two separated spirits into a unified whole.
Thus a soulmate is easily recognized and feels at once like an old friend you
have known for years. Everything is easy together, inner tempos are immediately
shared, understanding comes as instinct even for the most difficult things, and
the world appears in the most optimistic light because one who was once apart
has now been reunited with the other half it has always been missing. Perhaps a
part of the Jungian collective unconscious, this breath of eternity offers new
insights into the labyrinth of life -- suddenly one can see forward
and backwards for thousands of years and understand the consequences of the
present and all of the tragedy and triumph it reveals.
Hesitation reveals fear and in love there is no room for fear. Gamble everything,
for all that matters and could be lost can be infinitely replenished. Do not
endeavor to ration or preserve anything -- conservatives have no place in love.
Any shields you put up to protect yourself also prevent you from sensing the most
sublime subtlety. Give all you have and act with reckless disregard for how you
might be hurt later for revealing your secrets and sharing your deepest essence.
One can only truly esteem him who does not look out for himself.
Until you have experienced the very different perspective on the world that
results from the prolonged intoxication of love, you have every reason to
doubt its efficacy and actuality. But when love overtakes you, you will be
inspired to do things you never previously imagined, all complexity will
unravel itself willingly before you, your energy will permit you to accomplish
anything for your love, and because of all this any honest person will forever
be a believer, even if they can never experience it again.
Marriage is merely a symbolic ceremony that is too often grossly inflated. This
is not to say it is unimportant, but the gown, cake, and honeymoon are
inconsequential compared to the practical details of spending many years
with someone you love.
Marriage as a long conversation. When entering a marriage, one should
ask the question: do you think you will be able to have good
conversations with this woman right into old age? Everything else in
marriage is transitory, but most of the time in interaction is spent in
When two people desire nothing more than to please the other in thoughtful,
caring ways, this fuels a feedback cycle that increasingly gains energy and
grows. Thus from a spark which casts a light of possibility blossoms a
sustainable landscape which can beautifully erupt from time to time in blazes
of passion that prove the power of romance.